Marks of Spiritual Direction
as I see it
Holy Listening
At a basic level, holy listening, requires active listening. I like to say active listening because listening is somewhat of a lost art today. To listen well requires not thinking about what we say next but being open to the other person with attentiveness, engagement and energy. Holy listening includes the understanding that the Holy Spirit is present and active, both listening and speaking. "Where two or three are gathered ..."
Socratic
Although teaching is an exxential part of spiritual direction, I prefer the socratic method, asking questions, to other forms of teaching. Asking questions forces thought and reflection. I can only guide. I cannot do for someone that which they are unwilling to do for him or herself. Self-insight is often discovered through the socratic method.
Challenged
We all need to be challenged to grow in a healthy way. Like exercise strains the body and learning stretches the mind, spiritual direction challenges the spirit to grow in a deeper relationship with God. Spiritual direction needs to challenge us but in a good, healthy, balanced way.
Teaching
Teaching is essential to spiritual direction. We all need to learn. I learn new and different things each and every day. Openness to learning is essential to the spiritual life. A disciple is someone who follows and learns.
Assignments
Yes, I give assignments. These may take many different forms: reading a spiritual text, prayer, biblical study and biblical prayer. Assignments might include practical matters. I had two friends in seminary. One was a bit of a bum. The other was wound up tight as tight could be. They had two different spiritual directors. The wound up fellow was told not to make his bed. The bum was told to make his bed. So funny. There also could be no assignment.
What do I say?
Whatever you want. However, a good practice is to begin with the one thing you do not want to talk about. I had a seminary friend who cultivated that practice, and I have walked that path myself.
Relationship with God
Spiritual direction is about our relationship with God, whatever expression that takes, and this relationship takes a different form for each person. A false assumption is that there is such a thing as a perfect relationship with God. In heaven, yes. Here on earth, no. Someone angry is in a relationship with God as much as someone thankful. I meet people where they are, not on some imaginary, false assumption of where someone should be in the spiritual life.